Monday, August 08, 2005

Let’s Talk About Sex

(Easily labeled for brothers to avoid).

As I said I would, I brought up ‘The Talk’ with the boy last week. It went amazingly well–he was very receptive and not at all defensive. Fantastic.

He had some seriously flawed assumptions about me that he is looking forward to dispelling in the flesh. tehehe. I learned that my suspicions about his previous experience was dead-on, and completely explained his tentative behavior. He also alleviated some of my concerns that he might need too much tutelage. I went from feeling apprehensive to extremely excited about getting it on with him. Lesson One was a resounding success and we had, in my opinion, a great make-out session.

We had a few more conversations in the next few days about what we were thinking and our expectations. Neither of us were very productive at work because we kept fantasizing about each other. I was damn near chomping at the bit to see him over the weekend.

We had plans to spend all day together on Saturday, first going to Family Style at Chris’s place: a vegan cooking/eating fest that began at 10:00am at the Farmers’ Market and ended about 4:00pm. Super-great fun. This is the second one that I’ve been to and we were both excited to go. Later that night was bowling with some of my law friends to celebrate Amy’s b-day. Paul was going to meet several of my friends for the first time throughout the day.

After going to the Farmers’ Market we needed to stop by my house for my food mill and to drop his newly-bought tarragon plant off at his place. We of course played kissy-face and the threat that clothing would be removed and that we would miss Family Style entirely loomed large. Anticipation is a good thing.

Anyway we had a great time at Family Style–I like men who I don’t have to baby-sit around new people. He was very comfortable and I wasn’t at all worried that he wasn’t having fun.

Finally we left to go back to his place to nap. Seriously–we were in afternoon lull, food-coma mode. The futon was pulled out and we snuggled like puppies and dozed for quite a while. Very sweet.

After the laziness wore off we started making out and clothes randomly appeared across the room. One of his cats kept staring at us–which is sort of disturbing.

Things were going well and he remembered the key points from our previous discussion. He was very excited, but when he would get nervous and I’d feel an uncomfortable vibe from him, so we slowed down let the intensity lower several times. And then things got weird, but it was a weirdness that I was half-way expecting.

We stopped messing around to have another conversation, which I also wasn’t looking forward to.

Topic: The intersection of Sex and Love.

He and I stand kitty-corner across from each other at this intersection. He told me a few weeks ago that he was in love with me, and I didn’t return the sentiment. Now, I have thought that he was a boy that I could potentially fall in love with, and I like the idea of being in love again, but I don’t currently love him. Lying about such important things is completely unacceptable. Understandably, he is afraid of basically falling more in love with me and risking getting hurt once I get the chance to fuck him silly. So he wants to go slow and not start having sex until he is ready, which he sees most likely happening when we are in love with each other.

If someone will please let me know why sensitive guys are attracted to me–clue me in. I am a rough and tumble, brutally honest tomboy and this should be obvious to anyone who interacts with me. The sweet, sensitive guys tend to keep their sappiness hidden–and I only discover the full extent of it once we are already emotionally involved.

We discussed my concerns about a sex/love Catch-22, whereby he won’t feel comfortable trusting me enough to have sex unless I love him, and I won’t be able to fall in love without the trust that can develop from being lovers.

I sounded like the biggest skank ever as I voiced these concerns. I asked him what he thought about being in love with a trollop, tart, strumpet and he giggled and denied that he thought I was any of those things. I told him how after finally ending my horrible 2.5 year long law-school dry spell with repressed Catholic boy (primary object of last rant) I high-fived the Catholic boy. His face registered amusement, tinged with horror and a sidedish of ‘please don’t tell me about other men you’ve slept with.’

This must be how randy high school boys feel when they date virginal girls. I feel crass. I feel like a completely insensitive bitch for thinking some of my thoughts. But, since I have never tolerated boys trying to pressure me into having sex until I was ready, I can not do that to him. Instead, I am trying to be understanding–and he has thanked me several times for being so cool with this, when he says it is obvious that I don’t prefer the situation. He is a little sheepish about having this view, but mostly relieved for getting it out in the open. I respect him for expressing his feelings and being introspective enough to know what is right for him. I respect him even more for his recent diligence and newfound skill at turning me into a meowling, sweaty, trembling ball of wantoness.

Our conversation veered from crass to sweet to giggling and back again several times. I giggled at his sappiness and he blushed a lot. Too cute. The cat didn’t find this phase as interesting and fell asleep with her back to us.

I don’t like the pressure on me to somehow magically fall in love with him, and I don’t want him to feel pressure to let me fuck his brains out. I very much adore the boy and want to continue learning more about him, but I haven’t been in love in several years and don’t think it is something that will come quickly or easily.

Moral of Story: I’m not getting laid anytime soon.



At 10:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And I thought for women getting laid was as easy as falling off a bike.

At 1:04 PM, Blogger equipoise said...

If he told you several weeks ago that he was in love w/you, you would have been dating, what, all of a few weeks at that time?

Not very long at all. At All.

Everyone operates at their own speed, I'm sure, but that seems dangerously fast for a confession of love.

Makes me wonder a little about this boy. Just a little.

At 2:40 PM, Blogger jojo said...

Yeah, it concerns me too. However he hasn't been as emotionally knocked around in relationships as most people our age have been. I think this makes it easier for him to trust and fall in love.

When I was younger (and dating younger boys) this is about the amount of time it took those boys to fall, too.

He hasn't at all been pushy or smothering, though. So it doesn't feel too odd.

At 2:56 AM, Blogger freewriter said...

This is so refreshing [in an odd way]. Usually I read about girls just jumping in the sack with any decent [read hot] guy. And if they don't get what they want with guy A, hopping in the sack with any other decent [read player] guy until guy A comes around.

Skanky bloggers abound.


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