Sunday, March 06, 2005

Warm Weather Friends

Saturday night was spent at Jill's new place celebrating Tana's 27th B-day. Jill only lives about a mile away--so that's pretty cool. Her new place is fantastic, and yet sort of creepy: she lives alone in a three story, three bath townhome in a pretty expensive neighborhood. She basically saddled herself to working at a big law firm with this purchase. It just seems too weird for a single person to have that much space--and I can't even imagine the mortgage payments. She is very happy with her place and the new neighborhood, and that is nice to see.

The party was quite nice, but towards the end I felt very much like an outsider. Room full of people, friends I have known for years and I felt out-of-place and lonely. So I went home. Mulling it over, I pretty much determined that I am right to let the natural drift between myself and most of these friends widen. With Tana especially, I just don't feel there is any connection between us.

This feeling was further intensified when I met John to sign our new lease today. It was absolutely gorgeous outside--skirt & tanktop weather for me without the slightest bit of chill. We decided to go for a ride afterwards to check out the former Meigs Field, an airport-turned-park on the lakeshore. We had a nice leisurely ride there and then talked on the rocks overlooking the water for a couple of hours before riding back through downtown. This makes me ever so excited about our upcoming roommate situation. I am keenly aware of this impending move and how my life will differ--even the slightly different jangle of my additional keys makes me excited about my new living situation.

When I lived in the co-op, almost any errand could turn into a group walk. Grocery shopping and errand running became a social event, and it was pretty easy to find someone to go for a walk for no reason at all. Isaac doesn't behave this way and is reluctanct to leave the house. Our morning-after-drinking trips to Filter for Hipster Hash are pretty much the only time we do anything outside of the apartment together. I miss the impromptu outings and meanderings of the co-op. Hopefully living with John will bring these small social activities back into my life.

I came back home and Isaac was sitting in the same chair he was when I left--he hadn't left the apartment at all on this beautiful day. So sad. The itch to get out of here grew even stronger. Then something weird happened. Tana called to ask us (Isaac) out for dinner. We met her and had a really great time. She was very nice to me and was shocked and excited about my probable upcoming purchase of the Hbar. I found it funny, because this has been discussed several times in her presence, but apparently she was too drunk to comprehend/remember it. Today was the first day that I have seen Tana when she wasn't drunk in about five months. She was very interested in hearing about my new place and other events in my life. We excitedly made some summer plans and she seems to want to spend more time together. I had forgotten how cool she can be when she is sober.

As excited as I am about the move, tonight made me feel yet another tug of regret about abandoning the den of awkwardness. I saw a gimmer of what could have been, and what should have been about this living situation. It still has the potential to be really fun and great--but I know that it won't be. Nervously, I wonder what will become of my law school friendships--will Tana and I follow through with our plans to spend more time with each other? Will she make the Hbar her new watering hole? Will I see more of her/Gabe/Jill when I move away than now when we live 2 blocks away? Or will the distance just make it that much easier to drift apart? geesh--so many possibilities.

Instead of just succombing to the drift, I think I will give these friendships a few more chances. I adore my new bikey friends, and definitely expect them to become my primary friend group in the future--I feel so comfortable and energized when I'm around them. However, I have a history with my law friends that is still valuable, and I enjoy having different types of friends. Just because we have drifted apart doesn't negate our friendships--it just means that I need to find a comfortable level for our friendships. This is all too confusing--I guess it will work itself out one way or the other. Whatever happens, I don't want to settle and I don't want to compromise my life away.


At 11:36 AM, Anonymous epeeist said...

I totally understand. I have the same fear in relation to moving in w/ R. I love him, but we spend all our time together already instead of hanging out with our friends.

At 9:57 PM, Blogger jojo said...

Whoa--we have totally different situation and you know it.

You are shacking up with R. I'm just going to be John's roommate. My nervousness derives from my fear that this will completely sever my ties with the law school group. I thought I was ready to pretty much let go of the group (not other individuals), but I don't think I am at this point. So instead of just improving my life, I feel like I also have something to lose.

OK--despite different circumstances I guess we do have the same fears--except you're getting laid. (When exactly did you and R get together--have we ever both been in a 'relationship' of some sort at the same time--or do we have some sort of inverse situation to achieve balance in the universe?)


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